The Ten Most Inappropriate Wedding Songs Ever

Never ask to have these played at your wedding.  They may sound familiar, nice or nostalgic, but if you actually knew what these songs were actually about, any sane person would swear them away from their big day forever. 

 

Every Breath You Take - Sting  

This song is a promise a man makes to his ex - “I’ll be watching you”.  No it’s not about someone looking down from heaven and no it’s not endearing.  It’s 100% about stalking in a very “I own you forever no matter what” kind of way.  Not an ideal start to a marriage.  

 

Crash Into Me - Dave Matthews  

This is actually about a peeping tom who is actively stalking a young girl and watching her from afar, with a non-existent relationship that they share.  And no, that isn’t a rumor, that’s actually directly from the mouth of Dave Matthews himself during his VH1 storytellers segment.  

 

50 Ways to Leave Your Lover - Paul Simon  

I mean, it doesn’t get any clearer why you wouldn’t play this.  Just read the title.  Although if you and your fiancé love irony, then have at it.  

 

If Your Wanna Be Happy - Jimmy Soul  

“If you wanna be happy for the rest of your life, never make a pretty woman your wife….so from my personal point of view get an ugly girl to marry you.”   See the logic is, if you marry a pretty woman, her good looks will allow her to be demanding and controlling and you’ll have to deal with it because she’s pretty and you’re not.  If she looks like Quasimodo, then you can do whatever you want because she’s lucky to have you.  Daaaaang, son that is MESSED up.   Please don’t start your marriage with this idea.  

 

Jessies Girl - Rick Springfield  

So if the groom’s name is Jessie, I can’t really fathom a more inappropriate song to play.  Just don’t.  Even if their name is Shamus or Shunty or Dilbert, just stay from all songs that hint that one of the best men or the audience members my have unrequited love towards the bride.  

 

Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For - U2  

It sure sounds romantic, but really listen to the words.  The whole purpose of your wedding is a declaration that you HAVE found what you’re looking for.  So, you might want to avoid this one.     

 

You’re Gonna Live Forever in Me - John Mayer  

It’s truly a beautiful song, but it’s written from the perspective of someone in the seats watching the bride get married who is not the groom. “When the pastor asks the pew for reasons he can’t marry you, I’ll keep my word and my seat, but you’re gonna live forever in me”.  What worse thing can you think of then one of your own friends pledging an undying secret love for your bride?   This is about as bad as “Jessies Girl”.  

 

White Wedding - Billy Idol  

This song is actually about an ex-girlfriend who is going to marry someone else.  “There’s nothin’ pure in this world” - hmmm…someone’s a little angry about whoever is getting married. Probably want to avoid feeling like someone is going to sabotage your big day and cut this one from the list.  

 

It Wasn't Me - Shaggy

Oh yeah, everyone fell for the cute sounding track and innocent vocals and shaggy's unintelligible sing-talking.  But did anyone really listen to the words except for the "It wasn't me part"?  Clearly not.  The singer gets caught cheating, red handed.  Literally there is a video of him cheating and he stands in front of this poor woman and bold face lies to her about it.  Bad.  Just, so bad.  

 

It Ain’t Me, Babe - Bob Dylan  

Not that anyone in their right mind would ever actually want this at their wedding, “Go away from my window, leave at your own chosen speed” pretty much sums up the attitude of the song…which is about as opposite of a wedding song as you can get.  

And if you really like irony, then go for one of these songs.  In fact, it would be hilarious to make a playlist out of these and watch some of the more attentive guests squirm and eventually ask if you two are ok.  Have fun and congratulations on your upcoming day!

Below is a FREE downloadable infographic to help you plan an consider the different effects that certain styles will have on your ceremony. Feel free to mix and match and get creative!   

Dylan Galvin (Dylan like “Bob Dylan”, Galvin like “Calvin and Hobbes” with a “G”) is a singer/songwriter an acoustic guitarist, singer and atmospheric performer in Los Angeles, CA. 

Follow him on Instagram, Youtube and Facebook.

Leave a comment

Add comment